Well it now official. The world knows that I am moving to Africa.
I’ve gone completely public and braved the wrath of friends, family and a severe stoning from my team at work. I came off lightly really, a few kicked me and someone threatened to beat me with a wrist support; and I think someone looked at me, looked at the open window and had a moment of serious contemplation. I knew this arse would come in useful one day as she was on to a loser with that one right from the start, she’d never be able to push it out!!
You would suppose that given the preparations for this move are HUGE, most of my time is now taken up doing just that. To be fair, my head really is in the game. Honest it wakes me up in the dead of night to remind me that we are going away in about 7 weeks and that I need to, oh I don’t know, sort out my rabies jabs and buy some hypodermic needles. On a practical level though I appear to have become distracted by a new found love for Espresso Cocktails, oh, and champagne!
And obviously the doubts are starting to creep in and my faith is being shaken a little. As we know from my last blog, I have divine qualities (although the distinct lack of disciples so far is very upsetting), but at the moment I feel a bit like Jesus when that Beelzebub fella kept testing his mettle. The man from Nigeria who sat next to me on the train yesterday and took one look at me, slowly shook his head and told me how it was too hot in his country for him didn’t help. I heard him utter something ridiculous like “45 degree’s tut, tut, tut”, before disappearing before my eye’s – well to be fair it was his stop so he got off, but still….!!
I also had a wave of panic when I learnt of the humidity. One, have you seen my hair – I will be a walking bush. Secondly I have a secret I have been keeping from you…… I am in fact half woman, half puffer fish! Seriously one hint of humidity I blow up instantly, and I’m not sure there’s much call for this talent in West Africa!!
Finally, and sorry to lower the tone, there’s the toilet situation. You see I love other cultures, you know the food and the, well food, but one thing that makes me British through and through is that I only really like a proper toilet. Earlier this year I managed to travel in a truck over 5400km over 20 days without once every losing my dignity and squatting behind a bush. I attempted one long drop and after that decided to manage the situation through day time dehydration. It’s a simply method. Do not drink. Now I’ll be honest, I’m no expert but I have my doubts that this will work long term!!!
Oh well, I made my bed, I suppose I will just have to lie in it. After all I have no choice about doing just that anyway, yesterday’s champagne, espresso cocktails and wine have rendered me immobile this morning!!
Xxx
