Button Mushrooms for Sale

So some dimwit has put me in charge.

What the hell are they thinking? More to the point what the bloody hell were you lot thinking? For the last 18 months and even before then, when I went and sat on a rock in the middle of the sea for 6 months, we clearly established that I am one sandwich short of a picnic.

Do you not remember what happens when I’m left in charge – that’s right, hell gets unleashed.  I think you have all shirked your social responsibility to me and already poor and suffering people of West Africa by allowing this situation to develop!! Ok it’s only for the next 9 weeks and 4 days (guess who’s counting) but a lot of witch guns can be fired in that time and I’m sure some of those bullets will be coming my way!!

And something else - all this extra artillery will be coming my way just at the time when not only have I’ve run out of vampire porn to watch (HBO series True Blood) but the rainy season has once again descended. Do you people not remember this – this is the time that if I sit too long in one place I get covered in mould. There’s nothing to do, no-where to go, but juststay indoors drinking gin and tonic in your underwear and watch mushrooms growing out of your navel. 

But despite all this,  to finally substantiate that I am indeed totally unhinged, I’ve been asked if I would consider staying longer here, and I’ve said – well I’ve sort of said …err … yes I’ll consider it!

You see this is my problem. This week the last of the original French left, and to be honest  having seen his (and the previously Frenchies) leaving presents  I really don’t want to be made to look like Wee Willy Winky and be danced around, which appears to be what happens when you leave. So to avoid total embarrassment  and having to put my grade C drama GCSE to good use when I open the package,  its best for all concerned that I just stay a bit longer – I only got a grade C after all, I’m not that good an actress!!

But on a serious note, I sort of feel responsible – not for the whole third world poverty thing, I mean I know I’m obese but I didn’t eat everybody else’s share of the pies, just my own – and maybe just a few extra. No I mean that I feel responsible for taking the rehab project to its close and as the funding ends in April next year, and  wouldn’t be fair to just abandon it. The expression ‘rat jumping a sinking ship’ springs to mind.  Surprisingly the EU just don’t seem to be buying the reason that the rehab services are still a bit shite is because the manager is under constant attack from voodoo, so maybe I should stay those extra few months to put things in order as best I can. 

Or maybe, just maybe it really is time for one of you out there to drag my sorry arse back to the UK where it belongs……

……………….and yet, my arse never did really fit there, whereas here it’s the perfect size and shape…….

xxx