Rachel's Holiday

I need a holiday.

Like a proper one. I want to be taken somewhere and looked after for a few weeks and not have to cook or clean or more importantly WORK.  After lying down comatose for about a week I’d like then to do some gentle exercises and maybe something creative with my mind and hands.  Ok yes I want to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital!

I stopped writing when the unending arrival of Effers peaked with the man from HQ who insisted, on climbing under a table at a training workshop at lunch time to sleep in full view of a group of the country’s top midwives. I wouldn’t mind but he was the Effing facilitator and I’d bloody well paid for the freak to come!

I should have known I was in for a spot of bother when the first conversation he told me about was his “re-birth’ at the age of 40. This apparently consisted of him lying on the floor in the foetal position crying, screaming with rage and rocking back and forth, being back to his four year old self and the feelings he felt when his mum had to leave him in the hospital because he was sick. The important part for him was that his then poor unsuspecting 71 year old mother was invited to watch this spectacle which made him ‘feel better’.  

So with this in mind and the fact that, well my mum left me at nursery at a similar age EVERY DAY, I’m writing this having just taken a break from my new favourite activity of taking Crayons to the wall while wearing a slightly soiled nappy. Well if you can’t beat them, join them and as this guy is one of the top guys in the organization, I am expecting a promotion any day now.

I have also just emerged from trying to write a proposal to get money from Comic Relief for a new project for disabled children; it was no joke! You would think that all you would need to do is feed them with a few Christmas cracker jokes and the jobs a good ‘un, but oh no, those guys want some serious shit. I was up until 2am on more than one occasion trying to convince them that, “honestly Lenny, give us a million quid, there’s no Effers here to misuse it”! I swear if the work of art I finally submitted doesn’t get past stage one, the only red nose I’ll be getting in the future is from ever approaching alcohol disorder.

There was then “cleaner-gate”; but I don’t want to air my dirty underwear in public too much, as the new women who’s been assigned to me is doing that well enough without me.

So the truth is I’m knackered. 100% physically and mentally knackered. And I need a holiday. So it’s quite concerning to me that when I look back over the last month, I have in fact spent the past 5 consecutive weekends either at a beach or staying in a rainforest.

Gambia hotel

Sailing (Sideways) up the river Gambia (I really was the one steering)



Bureh



Forest hut accomdation with the Chimps

These beaches are just too busy for me!

So if that isn’t doing the trick then quite simply it’s a stint in the nut house for me.  And I know I am deserving of a place, as despite feeling the way I do, I decided not to book that oh so tempting £600 one way ticket to Manchester for next weekend, but stay here until next April.

Mmmm I think we better book me an upgrade to a medium secure unit.....

xx