Pride comes before a .......Pizza??

Now I know I’m nowt special, (and don’t bother with the “special needs” comment either thank you!!). In fact by my reaction to the first political pre-election rally this week I think I must actually be somewhat of a coward. I still stand by the fact that checking the British Foreign and Commonwealth Travel section and the British Consuls’ website every 5 minutes was just good plain common sense (No restrictions in place, all is well. In fact I think there’s more risk warnings about travel to the UK. Quite understandable when you consider the threat associated with deep fried mars bars and Birmingham’s broad street on a Saturday night!)

But there are some days when I am still a little bit proud of myself. Today is one.

Oh I haven’t done anything particularly grand or note worthy. I haven’t taken on the national debt problem or tried to affect the 1 in 5 infant mortality rate. Oh God no, all I have done is drove myself home all alone.

You see that lovely monster truck at the end– I parked that little beauty. OK yes it is in the bush and I am covered with scratches from the foliage that attacked me as I got out (left hand flippin drives), but not a bad first attempt.

This streak of independence has been building all week and I was in fact sat in the drivers seat on Thursday night. The problem was that after I switched on the engine and went to depress the clutch, it transpired that 4x4 pick up trucks are not built for fat little short arses like me! You cannot imagine the mix of resentment, bitterness but just a little sense of irony I felt handing the keys back to the French bloke who had every so gallantly presented them to me not 5 minutes before. A deep primeval noise emitted from the back of throat and I’m sure I saw the Frenchie’s pupils expand with fear. So now, this little beauty is mine for the weekend.

I’ll be staying in then eh!! It’s F’best!!

You see I haven’t told anyone here about my warning from the Saint Helena police for lack of due care and attention  while driving– I still maintain that the wall must have been crumbling for it to fall down like that with just a whisper of a touch!!

But looking at these sunsets from my balcony, I don’t think I’ll be too unhappy by my self imposed captivity!

The other thing I’ve done, is at long last joined the local hotel Gym. Now I quite enjoyed my session last Sunday and was (almost) happy to trot in on Tuesday after work. It didn’t last. I was faced with my idea of hell. Think sauna, no air conditioner, and the place packed with huge sweaty, stinky black and Lebanese blokes, grunting – yes that’s right grunting at themselves in the mirror. Then they saw me - cue tumbleweed moment! I hadn’t walked the 8 steps to the treadmill before I was covered in sweat. However I, and my matching cerise fitness gear brazened it out on the machine with the most nonplussed waddle I could muster! I must have lost at least 6 sodding stone in that 40 minute session. Sadly though the horror of it brought on a relapse of peanut butter finger and Star Beer, what with today’s stress, I don’t think there’s enough minute in the day for me to work off my coping strategies and I think I may have found a new one.

Folks, I have amazing news.

Complete evidence that this country is in fact ‘developing’. There is a pizza delivery place opened just up the road from me.

I AM DOOMED!!